In the three years since, I've not found another roguelike quite roguelike it. I've tried my hand at plenty, but I've come to the conclusion that I was spoiled. Hades was my first proper entry into the genre, and it's yet to be bettered. Its sequel, Hades 2, is trying to do just that.
I've tried Dead Cells , Into the Breach, FTL, Crypt of the Necrodancer, Dicey Dungeons, and Inscryption in the years since, but none have hit quite like Supergiant's sexy slice-em-up. This year's Balatro has come closest to replicating the magic.
For the most part, they were brilliant. Supergiant did incredibly well to reimagine the pantheon of Greek gods in such an original manner, and the lesser-known characters given the spotlight (the likes of the Furies Megaera, Alecto and Tisiphone spring to mind) excel, too. How did Supergiant get everyone looking so cool? And how were they all so hot?
This all sounds like praise, because it is. However, the minor problem was that this sexiness was a little one note. Everyone was an adonis with sculpted abs and the features of a supermodel. The pantheon had great diversity when it came to skin tones and the portrayal of race, but when it came to body diversity? There was only one way to look if you're a god, and that's like a dehydrated boxer trying to weigh in for a big fight.
The Hottest Characters In Hades
I'm glad we got some muscle mommies, as well as some striking blokes who clearly had too much free time to spend on Olympus' gilded bench press, but I just wanted something – someone – different. Hades 2 gave me that within the first hour of playing the technical test.
Early in my second run, I was greeted by Demeter, Goddess of Seasons. She was offering me frost-based boons, but instead of checking out my new abilities, I was struck by how powerful she looked. Hades 2's Demeter is a strong, fierce warrior, a maternal figure, and a sexy grandmother all at once.
I understand that people don't like to think about old people as sexual entities because you start imagining your nan, but you're only denying the truth. Old people can be hot, and Demeter is giving Helen Mirren grace with her effortless beauty.
Compare this to her appearance in the first game, where Demeter's skin was hanging off her bones. She looked as close to death as a Goddess can come, as if her sagging skin and deep wrinkles desperately wanted to be anywhere except attached to her skull. She was old, and the whole character was designed around that single idea: she's old, so she must be gross. Now she's old, but she's aged well. You can be old and still serve, and Demeter is a powerful example of that.
She was soon blown out of the water, however, by Hephaestus. Not that it's a competition. The God of the Forge, one of numerous new additions for the sequel, is traditionally depicted as a muscular figure, the masculine ideal of blacksmiths. I don't know how forging a sword gives you washboard abs, but then again, I've never tried. Maybe I'll get a hammer and anvil instead of a gym membership next January.
What most of these depictions fail to take into account, however, is Hephaestus' story. Throughout the Greek Epics, he is bestowed the epithet Amphigyḗeis, "the lame one". Depending on the account, Hephaestus is disabled either through a congenital impairment, or as the result of Zeus throwing him from Mount Olympus. Either way, he's a disabled character, and most depictions unfortunately forget that.
Not Supergiant. Hades 2's Hephaestus uses a wheelchair, boasting a set of wheels worthy of the Gods' smithy, and wears a prosthetic leg. He's also fat, a body type that didn't appear once in the original game (Sisyphus doesn't count, he was built, not fat). But he's still sexy. Look at that luscious hair, the glistening beard. And the smoulder. Is it getting hot in here or are you tempering a sword again?
Supergiant Is Fixing Hades 2's Body Diversity Problem
Don't worry about traditional sexiness disappearing, though. The typical Hollywood body types are still well represented, too. As well as returning characters like a daddified Poseidon, it looks like we're getting buffest boi Herakles, and Nemesis is already the new sexy stompy lady on the block. Sorry Meg, I'm booking a holiday to Attica.
After only a few hours with the game, Hades 2 has fixed my biggest problem with the original. The new character designs fit in perfectly with the existing roster of deities, but greatly expand the body diversity. Hades 2 shows that you can be hot when you're old and that your disability or belly doesn't hold you back from looking good. Representation is a powerful tool, and I'm glad Supergiant is using its superpower of creating sexy character designs to shout that message to the world.
